Numbness

The sun shines and the insects buzz, but I can’t seem to hear them or feel the sun’s warmth. I know these things are there even though I do not experience them. They’re always there. I just can’t feel them.

I can’t feel myself. Can’t seem to keep track of my thoughts and yet somehow my breath comes easy. I know my toes and fingers can move, but I’m not the one moving them. I know my brain is working even though I am not using it.

I am numb. I don’t want to not be numb anymore. I know for certain that I might explode or implode when I start to feel again. I know that somewhere in the frozen depths of my feelings I am angry and I am sad. I am infuriated enough to act without thought or will. I am depressed enough to not care about a thing.

I look at you but I do not see you. I hear you speak but I do not listen to what you say. Perceiving you will be the end of me. So I’ll stay in this numbness until I have forgotten you. Until I no longer feel the need to annihilate you.

Dru_Dru

Invisible

Some days don’t seem so lonely, I feel like you see me. I know you don’t, but you look at things right behind me and for a moment my heart smiles because your eyes are somehow fixed on me.

I like it when you smile. The upward arc of your lips is crooked in a way that makes me want to trace my finger over it. Your laugh is loud and most times unexpected it scares me even though I’m the one who is supposed to be doing the scaring.

You sometimes hum when you wash the dishes, and you sing the loudest off key melodies in the shower. You do little victory dances when you think no one is watching. I watch and I see everything.

I see when you are sad and I sit next to you, hoping that you will feel me in the cool breeze. I see when you are angry and I’m thankful that you can’t see me then because your wrath is like that of a vengeful god. I see when you are frustrated, when you are happy, when you are confused. I see you even when you feel like no one does.

I will always see you. I know what it’s like to not be seen. To be walked past, and even through. No one can see a ghost but I hope that you get to realise its me when the cup drops every once in a while.

Dru_Dru

Radio Signal

   It’s funny how a radio program led me to you. You never even tuned in to it, but I did. Religiously, every week I sat on my bed and watched my little radio with the crooked antenna as the hosts spoke, as if only to me. Sometimes if I was lucky, they mentioned your name.

   At the end of the show they always played the same song, and in the backing vocals of that song, I heard you. Singing so beautifully it was a wonder what you were doing in the background. But that’s a story for another day.

    I held the radio close to me, wishing I could get into it and have a closer feel of you, hear you speak to me and see me. But everytime I moved it, the signal faltered and I had to reposition until the reception was good again.

    I’m probably never going to see you again. I hope I never do. But my little radio still plays that song as if it’s all it knows to do.

Dru_Dru

Wind

He swept her off her feet like a strong August wind.
She could say she saw it coming, but she didn’t.
She felt him but it was already too late to evade him.


She winds her bobbin every morning as she begins the day’s work.
Long hours that seem short when she creats elegant masterpieces.
Seams finished and unfinished, buttons and fastenings sewn on tight to withstand the breeze.


A lonely winding road that seemed to have no end stretched before her.
She seemed stuck at the same spot; a dry, thirsty desert, parched and lifeless.
The only thing that had the energy to move was the wind.

Dru_Dru