Sugarplum

Sometimes I find myself smiling for no reason, unsure why I have this clichéd warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Usually it brings with it a bright sunny feeling, a clarity that I didn’t have before, an assurance.

Good old fashioned days of walks hand in hand and hang outs talking about our childhood dreams characterise us. They remind me that I actually am an accomplished human being just for being me.

And I like me with you. I like you with me. I think that you and me, all that mooshy stuff people say to and about each other, that’s us.

Really going to go cheesy here and say you are the centre of my attention in the grilled cheese sandwich that is my world. You’re the only one I want to write cheesy things about.

Pretty sure I nailed that one and now you’re head over heels in love with me and won’t go anywhere even when you realise my weird.

Little by little this feeling is growing and so are we with it. And I think we’re doing pretty great, don’t you?

Unlike you, I was scared. But I must say, it’s nice to have someone I can be scared with, someone who can make me smile in the middle of it all.

My love for you grows everyday. I’m learning from you what it is to love and be loved. I hope I make you feel as safe as you make me.

Dru_Dru

Collide

The rhythm of a heart beat resounds with the occurrence of pairs. Of thunderstorms and rainbows, clouds and sunshine, flowers and butterflies, cake and frosting, sunsets and silhouettes, you and me.

It thumps with enough time between each beat to fit in another heart. One other heart with a rhythm of the right tempo. Just one heart with which it can collide.

My heart is missing those thumps in between, so to counter the syncopation, it beats faster. Funny thing, it settles at that tempo, a tempo that I’m sure is yours. Your heart always raced against my ear. I liked to think it was out of excitement because I was always excited to be with you.

It beats quieter now, almost as if it’s trying to listen out for yours. It calls out quietly, waiting for a response and when it gets nothing back, it slows down.

I wonder, does your heart hear and not respond? Or does it respond but not loud enough? Does it hide to never again collide with mine? Is it afraid of the impact? Of the effect? 

I’m scared; afraid that mine might shatter from it. The excitement is beyond it, my heart would burst just from the sheer joy of hearing a response from yours. It knows it might very well be the end once our hearts collide again, but what better way to end things than happily?

My heart will glady skip to yours even if it’s just for one last time. And it will savour every moment because it knows it was destined to be paired with yours forever.

Dru_Dru

At the Crossroads

I always thought I had it. I thought I knew what I wanted and how to get it. I thought if I kept walking on this road I’d eventually get to the end and there, my destiny would be. I often thought you would be part of it. But I realise that I may have been asking too much.

I walked the road. For a moment I walked it with you and it was beautiful. It was one of those walks where we always had something to talk about and so we didn’t realise just how much distance we covered. And then what we said went misunderstood, or misinterpreted or misheard so we kept quiet.

And then the fork in the road appeared and you looked left when I thought we going right and you went that way in your silence. It was confusing to walk a few paces and realise that the only footsteps I could hear were my own and their echo was not the sound of yours. But on this road there is no turning back. There is only forward and when you misstep, you must go on having to have that step define how you walk on.

I guess the rest of the stretch is mine to cover alone, singing old songs so that I can have a sense of companionship. Old songs that remind me of a time when things were great and the promise of the future was bright. I don’t mind this silence. I have grown accustomed to the stories that my mind retells. Stories that were hard to relive, but now they just give me nostalgia and a nudge forward.

But as all roads go, here I am faced with a road crossing mine, unsure which turn to take and all I can do is stare. A lonely, deserted place where a decision must be made. I have walked this far and gotten myself into the middle of nowhere so I have to keep going. I face the setting sun and follow its light as it dips into the horizon. When it rises, it will find me well ahead of it, leading it to its resting place so that it doesn’t have to face a crossroads like I have had to.

Dru_Dru